Eight by Hunter

I don’t remember when I read my first Stephen Hunter book, but it was probably late 90s or early 2000s because it was Blacklight, which was published in 1996. I’d stumbled across it somewhere, probably the library. I then read Dirty White Boys and Hot Springs and became a fan of Bob Lee Swagger (Bob the Nailer, as he was known in sniper circles) and his gunfighter Dad, Earl. So I was only slightly surprised to find that I have eight Stephen Hunter novels in my collection, some of them unread, and decided to do something about that. They are now read.

I tried to follow the sequence of both lives, which is somewhat confusing because Bob and Lee will show up in the same novel. And there’s relatives and recurring characters and children and others popping up here and there so you need a scorecard to know the players. And there’s some stand-alones. So, best I can figure:

1. Soft Target. The latest novel, in terms of publication, that I own, coming out in 2011. There are characters in this who I never encountered before, like Ray Cruz, who turns out to be Bob Lee’s son and an Army sniper to boot. Chip off the old block. Cruz is introduced in the previous novel, Dead Zero. Which I have not read. Ray and his girlfriend, Molly Chan, are out doing pre-Thanksgiving shopping in America, the Mall – not to be confused with the Mall of the Americas – when a terrorist group attacks, shooting Santa in the head and herding the rest of the shoppers into the center courtyard as hostages. Not Ray and Molly; they manage to hide out in a store, avoiding capture, but it’s just a matter of time before the terrorists run them down. So what’s a red-blooded expert sniper to do in this situation?

At first, I rolled my eyes because, oh brother, terrorists take over something and there’s a true blue American hero in the crowd, a la Die Hard, and I was already tired by the first few pages. But, then it grabbed hold of me through some rather credulity-stretching incidents that were just fun and I couldn’t put it down, moving from one unbelievable scenario to another. I don’t know if I was admiring Hunter’s plotting or sheer cheek, but I liked it. It’s a very fast read, because the action is quick and continuous and you just want to see what happens next.

2. The Day Before Midnight. I read this several years ago and didn’t really like it but here it is in my collection so I decided to re-read it and, well. I can’t really say why I didn’t like it the first go-around; something about the implausibility of the events, I suppose. But it’s a Stephen Hunter; implausibility is the base.

In this one, the US has built a Titan missile silo in the Virginia mountains that has an independent launch capability because command and control of the more modern Minutemen can be compromised. The US keeps the Titan up its sleeve as a doomsday weapon designed to take out the Soviet leadership bunkers. So, if you’re a maniac intent on starting a war between the Sovs and the Yanks, where would you go to launch 10 MIRVs at an unsuspecting Politburo?

An elite and fanatical group of Russian Spetznatz, led by a crazed Soviet general, attack the silo intent on launching the Titan to purify the world by fire so that a new version of the proletarian utopia can emerge. Man, these do-gooders, always burning the world to a cinder to make it a better place. The unit takes over with remarkable speed and efficiency, else you wouldn’t have much of a novel here, and all the general has to do is obtain the launch keys from the two hapless duty officers and he’s in business. Except one of the officers, under a hail of gunfire, manages to toss his key into a titanium safe that requires several hours of welder work to get open. So the general has a local welder kidnapped and the race is on: will the general reach the key before the ad hoc American response force, led by a disgraced American general, penetrates the defenses?

This really wasn’t that bad. The action was excellent, if somewhat implausible, as I had already discovered upon an earlier reading. But at this point in my life, implausibility is less of a disqualifier. After all, I’m still walking around.

3. Blacklight. This was the first Stephen Hunter book I read, where I was introduced to Bob the Nailer, although this book is not the first one to introduce the character. That was Point of Impact, which inspired the movie Shooter, which I have not seen. Nor have I read Point, which seems a deficit in my Hunter education. Must attend to that.

All I remembered about this book was that a rattlesnake is an important plot element, and that I did enjoy it. Both were confirmed on the re-read, but I noticed more this time the implausibilities that seem to arise in a Hunter story. In this case, someone who willingly goes to the electric chair because of an unwillingness to reveal some civil rights activity going on in Arkansas. Bit excessive, that, as is the need to shoot Bob’s father, Earl Lee Swagger, who is a state trooper and has unwittingly tumbled upon a crime that threatens to undo some of those civil rights activities. I think. It’s not really clear what that has to do with Earl’s death.

Which is the main story here. In the 1950s. Earl is shot to death while effecting an arrest of two lowlife gunmen: Jimmy Pye, local football hero and husband to the head cheerleader who is just mean through and through, and Bub, his cousin, a sad sack who will do anything Jimmy tells him, include shoot up a grocery store and kill a lot of people, one of them a police officer. After making a complete mess of it, Jimmy calls Earl and arranges surrender, which does not come off as planned. Earl ends up shooting the two of them because Jimmy has set this up as an ambush, not a surrender. Earl, though, survives the ambush. And then he doesn’t.

Twenty years later, Bob Swagger is living incognito in Arizona after the events of Point of Impact when a down-on-his-heels wannabe reporter, Russ, tracks him down. Bob wants nothing to do with Russ until Russ says he wants to write a book about Earl, not Bob, which intrigues Bob and he agrees to accompany Russ back to Blue Eye to help with the research. Russ has ulterior motives, as you figure. Bob stumbles across some information which casts doubts on the official story of his father’s death, stirring some rather dangerous people to respond. Hence, the rattlesnake. 

Have to read it to see what that’s about.

There is a character named Frenchy Short in this book who figures in the next one, Hot Springs, but there’s a bit of an anomaly here. Frenchy doesn’t seem to recognize Earl, when he should.

4. Hot Springs. Probably a more probable tale than the others up to now, this is an Earl Lee Swagger story, with appearances by Earl’s Dad, Bob’s grandad, an all-around rotten SOB whose ultimate fate becomes a point of contention in the story. How is that Earl knows Hot Springs so well, a town he claims to have never visited? 

Back in the good old days, Hot Springs was hot with gambling and prostitution and addiction and every other vice you can think of, including a Central Book for distributing horse racing results. This story is based on the Veteran’s Revolt, when GIs returning from WW2 organized a takeover of the town from thoroughly corrupt politicians, succeeding in driving them out but, ultimately, failing to clean up the place. 

An ambitious DA, Fred Becker, with sights on the governor’s office, decides that cleaning up the illegal gambling and corruption in Hot Springs is his ticket. He recruits retired FBI agent D. A. Parker, famous for shooting it out with the Ma Barker gang, to build a squad of shooters to conduct raids on the various gambling houses owned by gangster Owney Maddox. Parker recruits Earl Swagger, newly returned to Arkansas from the Pacific War sporting the Medal of Honor for actions on Iwo Jima, to train the squad in gunfighting techniques. Which he does. And which break out all over the place, gunfights becoming wilder with each raid, even one involving a WW1 Maxim machine gun. And the fights become even more improbable, including the last one where Earl single handedly takes on what’s left of Maddox’s gang.

There’s a lot of recognizable people in this, including Bugsy Siegel (who has a personal beef with Earl), Mad Dog Cole, Lucky Luciano, and even a thinly disguised future stepfather of Bill Clinton. Owen Maddox is the thinly disguised Owney Madden, the real-life crime boss of Hot Springs, who lived to a ripe old age. Unlike Maddox.

One of the squad members Earl trains is the aforementioned Frenchy Short, and we get a long look at him and you won’t like what you see. But there is a lot of personal contact with Earl that marks Frenchy’s appearance in Blacklight somewhat puzzling. 

5. Havana. Of all of them so far, this is the one that stretches credulity to the breaking point. Imagine a CIA competent enough to recognize a security threat before it materializes. But also recruits an Arkansas state trooper to carry out an assassination in Cuba. Oh, c’mon.

But that’s what happens. Frenchy Short ended up on his feet working for the Agency after the debacle in Hot Springs and an opportunity comes up to eliminate Fidel Castro. This is 1953, and Castro has not achieved his later prominence but is a mouthy speechifying lawyer annoying United Fruit and Meyer Lansky. Hardly anything more than an irritant but, for reasons that are mysterious, the local CIA field office decides he needs to be eliminated before he becomes a real Commie threat. It is to laugh. The CIA wouldn’t know a threat if it banged them over the head with the Berlin Wall. And we already know how well CIA operations in Cuba turn out.

At any rate, Frenchy recommends that they hire Earl Swagger way off there in Blue Eye to do the job and, really? someone well outside the agency with a penchant for telling the truth? Yes, because Frenchy thinks Earl walks on water and is the best shot in the world and maybe wants to make up some kind of amends for stabbing him so royally in the back. I guess. It is quite a stretch but Earl is given cover as a bodyguard for visiting Congressman Hollis Etheridge (who will figure later in Blacklight) conducting a fact finding mission in Havana … one that involves all the brothels he can visit. Earl takes on the CIA mission and gets royally stabbed in the back because, hey, the Agency. History proves Earl never does take the shot against Fidel, although he’s got him in his crosshairs and, well, you’ll have to read it to find out why.

The most interesting character is the KGB agent Speshnev, languishing in a gulag in the beginning of the book because, Stalin. He is unceremoniously pulled out and sent to Cuba to nurture the budding revolutionary, Fidel. Ah, you know, sorry about all that gulag freezing and cockroach eating you had to do, comrade, but let’s let bygones be. Speshnev has the best lines in the book, especially when he’s pointing out the ironies of his situation. He becomes very important to Earl, and I certainly hope he shows up in future novels.

And would somebody just shoot Frenchy Short?

6. 47th Samurai. I was wrong, there is another Stephen Hunter book that stretches credulity well past the breaking point. Imagine a middle aged white guy who takes one week of samurai sword lessons and is able to stand up to yakuza members who’ve been wielding swords their entire lives. I guess Mr. Miyagi taught him.

While sitting around minding his own business, Bob is contacted by a Japanese man, Phil Yano, who believes Bob’s father, Earl, may have taken a sword from Iwo Jima that belonged to Phil’s father, and he was wondering if Bob’s got it and would he be willing to give it back. Sure, why not, except Bob doesn’t have it and really doesn’t know where it went. So Phil goes back to Japan and Bob, in what turns out to be a surprisingly easy search, finds a cousin in possession of the sword. So Bob decides to take it to Japan and give it to Phil because that’s just the kind of guy Bob is.

Turns out the sword is a bit more than ye standard samurai; it’s actually a very famous sword that belonged to the 47th samurai of the legendary 47 Ronin story. Phil discovers this while getting the sword back into shape. A yakuza pornographer gets wind of it and, well, very bad things happen, culminating in the rather unbelievable duel between Bob and others. There’s a lot of other unbelievable aspects to the story, such as the pornographer needing the sword because it gives him a leg up on some big vote to determine whether Japanese pornography remains Japanese or they let blonde American bimbos in. I’m not kidding.

Got to give Hunter credit, he does his research, and you’re going to find out more about samurai swords than you ever wanted. At some points, Hunter is just showing off. 

At this point, I’m wondering if Hunter is succumbing to Stephen King disease: trading on his name and phoning it in.



7. Night of Thunder. Published in 2008 and the fifth Bob Lee, this is Bob at NASCAR and, I swear, you read this in the voice of Ralph Waite at his most Waltonish. I don’t know if Hunter is trying for a folksy downhome sound or he felt like he had to coarsen it up because, well, NASCAR people. MAGA people. How revolting. Bob Lee’s daughter, Nikki, is an intrepid reporter for the Daily Planet … er … some local Arkansas gossip sheet when she is deliberately run off a mountain road by a professional killer called the Sinnerman, who specializes in flipping his target’s vehicles over in such a way the whiplash snaps the neck. Clean kill, looks like an accident, off we go. Except Nikki has NASCAR level skills herself and manages to evade Sinnerman’s direct attack and simply plunges down a slope, which does put her in a coma. 

Bob Lee is way off in Idaho when he hears and immediately thinks some past enemy has come for revenge, and, really dude? Center of the universe much? So, he rushes off to rescue his daughter and immediately launches one of the most incredible investigations known to the annals, able to simply look at a set of narrow tracks in the woods and know what it’s for, how long ago the machine was there, who was operating it and what they had for breakfast. Well, no, I exaggerate, but not by much. And in defense, it’s not Bob doing the concluding but various NASCAR drivers and crewmen who can look at all the tracks and interpret them for him so, yeah, maybe this is legit.

The NASCAR event that forms the base for all this is the Bristol 500, held at the Bristol Speedway in, well, Bristol. Apparently Hunter really likes NASCAR, whether from a fan or anthropological point of view I can’t really tell. He gives a lot of detail about race day and the crews and the fans and the hoopla, but he sounds more fascinated than judgmental, like a Northwestern grad stumbling into a tent revival. And there is a tent revival of sorts, a Baptist summer camp that is not what it seems. Bob moves adroitly from one insignificant clue to another, pulling the entire plot together with an amazing insight and intuition that would leave Sherlock Holmes astounded. 

Just go with it.

The Grumley’s are back, the cornpone inbred slope-browed crime family that Bob’s father, Earl, tangled with in Hot Springs. Odd that the Grumley’s don’t know who Bob is, given their propensity for generations-long feuds. The conversations between the Grumley’s and the Sinnerman and the preacher are astoundingly rich in depth and provide irony and subtlety mixed with downhome folksiness, probably what a Northwestern graduate thinks the people of these demographics sound like.

There’s a passage where Bob Lee sort of addresses the improbabilities of the 47th Samurai. I guess Hunter realizes he screwed the pooch on that one. 

8. G-Man. Further evidence that a book series must be constantly fed with new and better plot lines and characters and this time we mine a previously unmined vein, that of Charles Lee Swagger, Earl’s father, Bob’s grandfather who has been presented in previous books as an odious, abusive horror show of a subhuman, but not here. Nope. He’s a hero. Are we just supposed to ignore all the previous characterizations for the sake of series continuation? I suppose.

Purvis

Bob Lee has sold his land in Blue Eye and is nevermore to darken its threshold when the developer bulldozing the Swagger homestead for yet another unaffordable housing development discovers an iron box hidden in the foundation. Bob opens it and discovers an old .45 Colt issued to the Post Office back in the 20s, an FBI badge, and a crisp clean uncirculated thousand dollar note. Turns out the .45 was re-issued to the FBI back before they were the FBI and it’s looking very much that Charles Lee worked for them at one time. Bob then sets out consulting the usual suspects to discover the truth.

What he discovers is a replay of the novel Hot Springs, where Charles, an uncredited participant in the Bonnie and Clyde ambush, is asked by Mel Purvis hisself to turn Purvis’ newly formed Investigative Unit into gunslingers who can take on John Dillinger, Baby Face Nelson, those guys. And, just like in Hot Springs, Charles simply can’t stay out of the action, taking potshots at Baby Face with the same .45 in the box, and getting into the John Dillinger takedown. Which is kind of off-putting because it is the Hot Springs novel that gives us the clearest picture of Charles as the ogre Earl so fondly remembers. I suppose Hunter felt the need to give him some redemption, but, as we used to say in the USAF, one ‘aw crap wipes out ten thousand attaboys,’ so it’s not going to work.

By this time, I am Hunter’d out, so probably going to give Bob and Earl a bit of a rest. Until I run into another one.

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Ten Best Holiday Stories

Well. I’m a little late to this but since every day’s a holiday, I don’t feel so bad. And since a lot of my neighbors still have their Christmas decorations up, even less so. Here, then, are the ten best books or stories that reflect the spirit of the Thanksgiving/Christmas/New Year’s/Electoral season and, no, this doesn’t include The Gift of the Magi. Just remember, my concept of seasonal spirit may differ from yours:

10. A Child’s Christmas in Wales by Dylan Thomas. A short story in which Thomas, the evocative master of mood and scene, reminisces through the eyes of a fictional young boy about his happy days of sledding and snow and the magic of the Christmas season. It’ll make you want to break out your wassails and plum pudding, such a good boy you are. This is what memory does, the past in gold and light and simple joys, which Thomas, apparently, missed terribly.

9. Hans Christian Anderson, The Little Match Girl. Another short story that you may mistake for a fairy tale except there is no magic here, no fairy godmother, nothing works out at the end. It’s quite a tragic tale and you probably shouldn’t read it to your children, all snug and warm in their beds. Unless you wish to teach them that not all children are snug and warm.

8. The Children of Men, PD James. What is such a bleak, disheartening and brutal story doing on a holiday list? Well, to make you count your blessings. Published in 1992, the England of 2021 is dissolving into chaos and tribalism because of mass infertility. Hmm, 2021, people aren’t having kids … sounds a bit prescient.

7. The Forgotten Door, Alexander Key. I have listed this book in several other locations because it remains one of my favorites and is an excellent holiday read about a wondrous world just inside a certain door. And, no, it’s not Narnia.

6. The Martian Chronicles, Ray Bradbury. A paste-up, pastiche, pick your word, of several Bradbury stories set on Mars. It’s actually a narrative of empire lost and empire found and what seems like loss really isn’t.

5. The Name of the Rose, Umberto Eco. What’s more Christmasy than a 14th Century monastery and Latin puzzles and labyrinths and te deum’s and brilliant detective work involving Aristotle and Roger Bacon? And what’s more Halloween than a Satanic cult? A book to cover the entire holiday period.

4. Was, Geoff Ryman. Quite the heartbreaking tale about the real Dorothy from the Wizard of Oz and her chance encounter with L. Frank Baum that inspires his novel, and, forty years later, a man dying of AIDS who is searching for her. This is not a happy story, but it is a lyric.

3. Great Expectations, Charles Dickens. Of course Dickens has to appear on here somewhere because the man practically invented Christmas, but this isn’t so much that as it’s a story of change and revenge and hopes, and the unexpected ways life can move. The orphaned Pip encounters an escaped prisoner in a graveyard, and his life is forever altered.

2. Anything by Saki. The pen name for HH Munro, who wrote some of the best ironic tales of surprising twists in English. You cannot go wrong with a random pick of 10 or 20. Don’t worry, they’re very short. One of my favorites is the story Gabriel-Ernest. A young man may not be the hero everyone thinks.

1. A Christmas Carol, Charles Dickens. Do I need to justify this? It’s the prototype, the classic, and still the best story of redemption and what Christmas means. Or what it should mean.

There you go. Now you can recapture that inner child who once believed magic existed and anything was possible. Maybe you still do.

BTW, if you’re looking for something a little different to enjoy over the next year or so, take a look at the Youtube series, Losing Cable. My cousin, Jason Smith of Northwind productions, has re-edited it and well, just pull up Episode 1 and enjoy this story of losers and smokers and obsession with a cheesy scifi TV show. And, if you make it until the last episode, you just may see someone you recognize. Sort of.

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Ten Best Horror Writers not Poe, Lovecraft, or King.

Well, no, but one can dream …

Note who is not listed here: the usual suspects of King, Poe, and Lovecraft. I mean, they’re just givens, even King with whom I have problems but cannot deny his earlier, better horror stories. Those listed below are besides them and mostly hark back to classic days, primarily because a writer needs a body of work to examine before you can say they’re the best of this or that category. A lot of the current crop of horror writers are purty good, but I don’t have enough of a sample to make a judgment, with exceptions. Also, I have a strict definition of horror – it must contain a supernatural or paranormal element. Otherwise, it’s a thriller. All serial killer books are thrillers, no matter how scary. So, then, in no particular order:

10. Ambrose Bierce: Better known for his mysterious disappearance in Mexico in 1913, Bierce was a journalist and savage critic who fought at Shiloh and wrote a ton of essays and short stories, most of which were considered ‘weird tales,’ in the parlance of the time. The Devil’s Dictionary is probably one of the best political satires, and you may have seen the Twilight Zone adaptation of An Occurrence at Owl’s Creek. I firmly believe his story, The Damned Thing, influenced Lovecraft’s The Colour out of Space.

9. August Derleth- well known as a publisher and anthologist who helped establish Arkham House as a vehicle for Lovecraft’s work, he was also no slouch as a writer. His Sac Prairie Saga earned him a Guggenheim fellowship sponsored by Helen White, Sinclair Lewis, and Edgar Lee Masters. He used the prize to bind his comic book collection. Maxwell Perkins, famous for developing Thomas Wolfe’s work, was Derleth’s literary agent. Derleth came up with the term ‘Cthulhu mythos’ to encompass Lovecraft’s writings and took over the mythos after Lovecraft’s death in 1937, writing somewhat more hopeful stories. The King in Yellow wasn’t necessarily going to eat you. Derleth and Arkham House pretty much rescued the horror genre, giving writers like Ramsey Campbell encouragement. Derleth published Ray Bradbury’s first novel, Dark Carnival.

8. Algernon Blackwood- born in London to quasi-royalty, Blackwood worked as a dairy farmer in Canada, a bartender and model in New York City, and a violin teacher. Pretty varied career. He moved back to London around 1910 or so and began writing ghost stories, The Wendigo probably the best known. He wrote 14 novels, a couple of juvenile novels, several plays, and uncounted stories because he often wrote for local newspapers at short notice and with no credit. Tolkien said his term “the crack of doom” came from a Blackwood story, probably Blackwood’s 1909 novel, The Education of Uncle Paul.

7. Ray Bradbury- of course Bradbury’s going to be here because he remains my favorite writer of all time and the one who has influenced my own writing the most. Sure, yeah, The Martian Chronicles, R is for Rocket, all that science fiction, but he also wrote excellent horror, including the aforementioned Dark Carnival, The October Country, and my favorite, Something Wicked This Way Comes, which was turned into a somewhat decent movie with Jason Robards.

6. Henry Kuttner. Quite the prolific writer, but, for our purposes, most famous for The Book of Iod, which contains several of his Cthulhu mythos stories. Kuttner was part of Lovecraft’s inner circle, where he met his wife, C L Moore, who was one of the first women science fiction writers. The two of them wrote several books and stories together under the name Lewis Padgett, including The Mimsy Was the Borogroves, which is the basis for the movie The Last Mimsy.

5. Robert Bloch- you’d expect either Bloch or Richard Matheson about now, but I give the lead to Bloch, who most of you know wrote Psycho. He wrote everything, it seems, including a lot of Cthulhu mythos stories that so impressed Lovecraft he dedicated his story, The Haunter of the Dark, to Bloch. One of my favorites of his, Your’s Truly, Jack the Ripper, is an excellent supernatural treatment of a serial killer story.


4. Theodore Sturgeon- like Block and Matheson, this guy wrote everything, including one of the best vampire stories, Some of Your Blood, which may not actually be a vampire story. You decide. A good friend of Kurt Vonnegut – Kilgore Trout is based on him- he also did a couple of Star Trek episodes, introducing the Vulcan salute and “Live Long and Prosper.” 


3. Elizabeth Massie – prolific writer who has won two Bram Stoker awards and who shares my conviction that making a story gross does not make it horror. If it induces nausea instead of terror, then it’s just disgusting and what’s that? I’ve been disgusted a lot without being scared. She is currently putting together a series of novels, called the Ameri-scares, that presents the best ghost stories per state. And she lives nearby.

2. M. R. James- probably the most influential horror writer of all, who inspired Lovecraft and Ruth Rendell and Paul Theroux, and completely restructured the old-fashioned ghost story, turning them into something far more contemporary … if you can call 1904 contemporary. He was a provost of King’s College and a medievalist who uncovered the graves of several 12th Century abbots. Walked the walk.




1. Margaret St. Clair. While you could actually consider her a scifi/thriller writer because of her post-apocalyptic novels such as The Dolphins of Altair, most of them rely on witchcraft for the events, so they count. She was a Wiccan priestess who occasionally visited nudist colonies with her husband, a Wiccan priest. Her best known story is The Boy Who Predicted Earthquakes, which is scifi with paranormal elements, so it counts. She wrote under the pseudonym Idris Seabright, and once appeared in an issue of Anthony Boucher’s The Magazine of Science Fiction and Fantasy under that name, had another story in the same issue under her real name alongside a story by her husband, Eric St. Clair. Boucher said that Eric is “married to two of my favorite writers.”

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The Evidence of Things Not Seen

I got into quite the bruhaha on Twitter … er, X … a few weeks ago. Some guy posted that there was no evidence for God. I told him to take a deep breath, go outside and stand in the sun, think a complex thought, and then watch some birds. There you go.

It was like throwing garlic at a vampire.

Not only this guy but several others piled on with vitriol and sneering and insults, all of which I found hilarious. I kept asking what evidence would convince them – burning bush in the backyard, engraved invitation to Heaven’s golf course, Jesus’ face in their pancakes? – but all that did was make them madder. Hee Hee. Questioned my parentage, my humanity, my education, my morality, all of which I acknowledged were substandard, all the while asking what would convince them. One guy finally said a recording and a photograph.

Dude, have you not heard Beethoven? Have you not seen the stars?

I subscribe to the teleological school of God’s existence, that the apparent design in the universe demands a designer. You don’t get habitable zones, gravity, particle physics, atoms and molecules oh my of this elegant and complex interaction and exactitude without somebody whipping up the recipe in the kitchen somewhere. Ah ha, one of my haters decried, that what you call ‘design’ is merely our brains creating a pattern out of observed data. Well, yeah, because apparent design is observable. It makes me laugh when people decide to redefine a word like ‘design’ to support an anti-design stance. It’s like saying the word ‘woman’ has no definition. 

All of this combat is due to one reason: don’t want anything to interfere with the party. If there is a God, then there’s a possibility we might actually be responsible for our behavior. Can’t have that. It also means we are not the center of the universe, that our sneering and cruel behavior towards others might engender consequence so we might actually have to control ourselves. Oh no.

But it also means, in a realm we cannot see but from which we feel its effects, there stands our Creator. 

And anything is possible.

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What a Messe

I spent three days at the biggest book fair in the world, the Frankfurt Buchmesse. A ‘messe’ is a fair, which is different from a ‘fest’. I guess; dunno, don’t speak German. A messe celebrates a thing, while fests just celebrate. Think Octoberfest and all the attendant mayhem. A messe is also mayhem, but with a theme: in this case, books. Not beer. Although there was plenty of that, and I got a bit messe – dup.

See what I did there?

I attended by invite from the “And I Thought,” Ladies, Jade and Wilnona, who are poets and entrepreneurs and dynamic publishers and representatives and I can’t say enough about them, even if their true powers remain a mystery to me. I have never been one to grasp the workings and subtleties of any business, let alone the publishing industry (as evidenced by my sales), but these two are masters of it. Simply watching them work was impressive. Even if I didn’t understand it.

The Buchmesse has been an ongoing concern since sometime in the 12th Century when people swapped handwritten books in a field there, and really took off after Gutenberg showed up. When you’ve been doing something for this long, it tends to grow and, wow, is this thing big. Acres and acres of buildings, themselves acres and acres of hallways and stairs and passageways connected by moving walkways so I managed to get from the entrance to our little table at 5.1, 5.1 (which is the unique German way of indicating the second floor of building 5) without collapsing. Although I did have to stop and catch my breath a lot.

Lots of people there. Lots and lots. Every publisher/literary agent/artist/editor in the known and unknown world attended because, well, it’s their Superbowl. Less inclined to attend and with less of a purpose were writers such as me, gazing wistfully at the assemblage and hoping one of the rich and powerful would deign a glance and maybe toss a shilling into the tattered cap. Like Marc here, a Swiss wannabe. These people are the movers and shakers, not the assembly line workers, and one could not even glance in the direction of a literary maven without first having obtained an appointment. Or having caught the eye. I did neither, but still made some interesting contacts.

The Ladies apparently know everyone in the publishing industry, all of whom made it a point to drop by and say hi, including Aussies and Zealanders who told us hilarious stories about TSA inspections and queries they endured upon transiting the US: “Do you intend to marry a US citizen?” Stunned pause; “Is that mandatory?”

All this visitation wasn’t all that easy given that our table was the size of a family rowboat and just as crowded; along with the aforementioned attendees, we had Deborah Franklin Publishing, Madville Publishing, and Susan Mattaboni, who is a big deal author (unlike me), arrayed about the place, along with books and assorted giveaway items like bookmarks and geegaws. I don’t know how many times my clumsy self knocked various combinations of these throwaways all over the floor every time I squeezed by. 

The public was allowed entry on Friday through Sunday, and they stalked the halls in a relentless effort to find and purchase any and every book available in English. I don’t know why, but the Germans are gaga over English books. That superior German education system making English pretty much their second language helps although, given the recent and obvious decline of the English speaking world, they may be better off learning Chinese. The Ladies decided to attract a little attention with a themed approach, and the first day they were 1920s flappers and I was Al Capone, and then a Great Gatsby day where they were flappers and I was a Peaky Blinder’s thug. Don’t ask me what that has to do with Great Gatsby. It worked because I sold practically every book I brought with me, which has never happened to me in any other conference I have ever attended, where I usually count on one hand the numbers sold. Had to use two hands and a foot to keep up here.

Incidentally, practically everyone drifting by greeted me as “Sherlock Holmes!” Really, bud? See a deerstalker hat and a tartan rain cape anywhere in this scenario? Sheesh.

The Ladies then squired me through the real Buchmesse, which is the after-parties held at the various booths by the various publishers, where the real deals are made, usually the purchase and selling of translation rights and services. The Aussie/Zealander reps hoisted a beer with us at the Zealand booth, and the Irish booth had its own Celtic band and, of course, Guinness. I made excellent contact with Korean and Canadian publishers. We’ll see how that goes.

My brother and nephew showed up and I ran around Frankfurt with them for awhile, specifically to a hamburger place called Goldies which my nephew swore made the best hamburgers in Germany, about which he wanted an American’s opinion. Goldies turned out to be a window in a building where you placed an order and then received your hamburger, eating it over a trash can on the street. Great ambiance. And quite popular, with a line out the door and down the street where patrons were in constant danger of vehicular assault. The hamburger? Meh. In this American’s opinion.

After the Buchmesse closed, I took a Flixbus from Frankfurt to Heilbronn and the family compound. I love Flixbus; it beats the train for price and speed. I visited my mother, who is quite ill, and then went out with my sister to a local plant store to do a little shopping. ‘Plant store’ is an understatement; it’s a mega WalMart type place with its own Christmas market and restaurants. Should open one of these here. My sister met up with friends and it turned into the Five with me as the hapless male. The last time I went with my sister to visit her friends I almost jumped off a building. Almost did here, too, although the ladies are quite nice and fun including Sovie, the Norwegian owner of a neighboring house slowly being eaten by sentient plants, and Hannalore, whose husband, Herman, had recently passed. He was a good guy, in the 1950s escaping East Berlin where he was a Border Guard. 

I stayed at the airport Holiday Inn because they give us old fart retired guys a military discount, and it was a rather decent place with a rather decent restaurant. I took prohibitively expensive taxis back and forth until I figured out the S Bahn and Underground system, which was rather inexpensive, and oddly run. It’s on the honor system; you don’t actually have to buy a ticket to get on or get out. No trestles, no validation machines – just enter the station and wait for your train. But God help you if the conductors find you without a ticket. 

I had a devil of a time both getting to and leaving Germany because I used Space A. It’s a privilege extended to us old fart retired guys, equivalent to waiting at a port for a tramp steamer to come by and signing on with the crew. I tried to get on a military flight out of BWI but apparently every other military member in the tri-state area wanted to get on that plane, which was the only one flying that week, so I missed it. Three days later, I ended up on a C-17 out of Dover AFB, which is probably the unfriendliest airbase for Space-A travelers. It took me four days to get back to Dover from Ramstein, with potential rides canceled or moved or mysteriously disappearing. I slept in expensive hotel rooms, in passenger terminals, and even hotel lobbies until I finally snagged a ride home. Life is an adventure. 

I think the trip was worth it, as a test of endurance more than anything because it’s getting harder and harder for an old fart like me to make such trips, especially with all the medication I lug around. Still, a conclave of book lovers is an event to be experienced.

Think I might try that London Book Fair.

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Where It All Began

I’ve told the story, well past the point of boredom, as to how I became a reader. Not how I learned to read, that was from Marvel comics, but an actual reader. In 1962, I was a second grader in Miss Hale’s class at BC Swinney Elementary in Lawton, Oklahoma. During story hour, Miss Hale read chapters from The Adventures of Tom Sawyer and I was enthralled. Tom’s antics, running around with Huck, ‘First pipes, I’ve lost my Knife,’ oh, man, I couldn’t get enough. That was the life I wanted, carefree and riverbound and filled with adventure and I asked her, when she had finished, if I could read it. She was unsure because it’s a bit advanced for second grade but I was already a decent reader, thanks to Marvel, so she gave me her copy. Just gave it to me, like that, which was even more thrilling and I swear I read that volume twenty times at least.

So about a month ago, I happened to be in Quincy, IL for an Indies United Publishing House conference, and Quincy is a mere 20 miles away from Hannibal, MO, Samuel Clemens’ hometown and the place Tom Sawyer is situated. So I went. And I saw Tom’s house.

The most infamous episode of Tom Sawyer’s con artist life is, of course, the whitewashed fence. And here it is. Not much to an adult but condemnation at hard labor for a ten-year-old and I can see Tom’s scheme forming the moment he arrived at the first board.

Tom’s room. You can see him sneaking out the window.

Look at this, Becky Thatcher’s house:

And look at this, Huck Finn’s house:

And the river, on which I took a ride on a faux steamboat. Hey, everything today is a simulation.

That lighthouse is where the Widow Douglas’ house stood.

This is Lover’s Leap, which is where star crossed Indian maidens/Indian braves leaped to their death, just like from every other Lover’s Leap in America. And maybe Canada. The Captain even told us that old Watch Out for Falling Rock joke which I first heard in 2nd grade.

The pylon marks the location of the treasure cave, the one Tom and Becky got lost in. With the murderous Injun Joe on their trail. Didn’t happen, of course; the model for Injun Joe lived well into his nineties. But it’s a cool story that made my second grade heart pound with terror.

I have no idea what happened to that book. Sometime during the numerous events of my life, it got lost. But, Miss Hale, I never lost my love for reading.

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Ten Best Anthologies I’ve Read

I think anthologies are the Chinese buffet of writing. You can choose from this or that writer, some of them you’ve never heard of, and, if you like their stories, give their other works a shot. It’s also the midnight snack of reading: just grab a bunch of stuff out of the fridge and enjoy. I think I own more anthologies than any stand-alones because it expands my library far beyond what my limited space and budget allow. I haven’t read all of them, of course, Workin’ on it. But I have read lots of anthologies, and these are the ones I remember with the most fondness, for various reasons:

10. Alfred Hitchcock’s Ghostly Gallery. Published in 1962 for kids, I remember it because I read it as a kid and it helped spur my love of reading. My favorite is The Wonderful Day, by Robert Arthur, which is a be-careful-what-you-wish-for story. Arthur was a West Point graduate who also wrote the Alfred Hitchcock Three Investigators series, which I also read as a kid.

9. The Norton Anthology of Short Fiction. Richard Bausch, 1978. You know a Norton collection is going to show up sometime and somewhere and this one is my favorite because it contains a lot more ‘normal’ stories than I usually spend time with. Although The Rocking Horse Winner by D. H. Lawrence, is hardly normal.

8. The Book of Swords, Gardner Dozois, 2017, and Dozois needs no introduction, especially if you’re into anthologies. He founded the Year’s Best Science Fiction anthologies and edited Asimov’s Science Fiction magazine.  I loved this book, and it’s hard to pick a favorite out of it so, coin toss, and I Am a Handsome Man, said Apollo Crow by Kate Elliot wins. 

7. Twilight Zone, the Original Stories. Martin Harry Greenberg, 1985. Greenberg compiled almost 1300 anthologies, and was one of the cofounders of the Syfy channel. This is a collection of the stories that inspired Twilight Zone episodes. My favorite is To Serve Man, by Damon Knight. One of the best last lines in fiction. 

6. Science Fiction Hall of Fame, Vol 1. Robert Silverberg, 1971. Silverberg is a grandmaster and it’s hard to say whether his work as an editor or writer is the most important. This is a collection of scifi stories written from 1929-1964, my favorite being Nightfall, by Isaac Asimov.

5. There were, apparently, so many good scifi stories written from 1929-1964 that they printed another Science Fiction Hall of Fame, Vol II but broke it into ‘a‘ and ‘b,’ both edited by Ben Bova. My favorite from ‘a’ is Who Goes There, John W. Campbell, which is what The Thing movies are based on. From ‘b’ it’s The Big Front Yard by Clifford Simak.

4. Dangerous Visions and Again, Dangerous Visions. Harlan Ellison. You can’t talk about one without the other, but I think the first one is the better, with A Toy for Juliette by Robert Bloch a favorite. Dangerous was published in 1967, all the stories original, while Again was published in 1972. Both were considered cutting edge, avant garde because they were blatantly sexual and brutal. Kind of old hat today. Ellison was a prolific writer and editor who had what we would call an unfortunate personality.

3. Dark Forces. 1980 Kirby McCauley. McCauley was a literary agent who represented some heavy hitters like Stephen King and George R. R. Martin. This is where I first read Stephen King’s The Mist, which remains a favorite.

2. A Treasury of Great Science Fiction, Anthony Boucher, 1959, which came in two volumes and included such great things as Alfred Bester’s The Stars My Destination, and The Man Who Sold the Moon, Robert Heinlein. My favorite is Poul Anderson’s Brain Wave. Boucher was a writer and editor who sometimes used the pseudonym H . H. Holmes, a 19th century serial killer. Read about him in The Devil in the White City by Eric Larson.

1. Tomorrow’s Children. Isaac Asimov. 1966. Obviously an Asimov was going to show up here and of all the ones he did, this is my favorite, with his story, The Ugly Little Boy, being my favorite in the collection.

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Top Ten Best Stories I’ve Read

I don’t know how many short stories I’ve read in my life. It’s well over the number of books, so, using 8-years-old as a starting point, figure 2-5 books a month for 60 years, time off for good behavior, maybe … 2-4 thousand. But I read a lot more stories than books, as have you, because stories are how we started. We had Dick and Jane, Dr. Seuss, fairy tales, and on and on from there. Especially because my Dad built a room over the garage which became my bedroom. It was also the place that Dad kept his bootleg muscadine wine and his Playboys. I never had any trouble going to bed. Because of the stories of course. Playboy published a lot of excellent stories and I read them. No, really.

Out of all those stories over all these decades, some of them remain with me. Either a scene or a theme or something that makes me remember them these years later, as follows:

10. The Lonesome Place- August Derleth, 1962. Derleth was a prodigious writer and editor, starting Arkham House Publishing and coining the term “Cthulhu mythos” to categorize the work of his friend, H P Lovecraft. Two boys imagine a monster living in an abandoned silo near their home, scaring each other delightfully. After they grow up, a young boy is mauled near the silo and the two are convinced their imagination created the monster.

9. The Great Nebraska Sea- Allan Danzig, 1963. I can’t find a lot on Danzig. He appears to be an infrequent contributor to Galaxy and wrote a lot more reviews than stories. I believe I read this in Galaxy but not in 1963 because I was too young, so possibly in a later anthology. A series of faults in the Midwest drops the west coast of the US into the ocean. Reading more like a history article, I remember the closing scene of sailors strolling the seaports of Wyoming and Missouri.

8. Passengers, Robert Silverberg, 1970. Silverberg is, of course, writer and editor extraordinaire, even wrote soft porn at one time. This is a brutal story of an alien presence that randomly seizes the minds of people and makes them do unspeakable things. The ending is chilling. 

7. Inconstant Moon, Larry Niven, 1971. Niven wrote Ringworld and, with Jerry Pournelle, has turned out a goodly collection of scifi novels, like The Mote in God’s Eye. People are amazed by how bright the full moon goes one night, until somebody realizes the sun has gone nova and we’ve only got until the earth turns to survive.

6. The Nine Billion Names of God, Arthur C. Clarke, 1953. The grandmaster.  An eastern religious sect believes that if they transcribe the 9 billion names for God, then the universe will end. They purchase a computer to assist them in this, and the two installers scoff at the whole concept. Until …

5. Examination Day, Henry Slezar, 1958. I definitely read this in Playboy. Slezar was a prolific story writer and copywriter who used dozens of pseudonyms. He supposedly coined the term, “coffee break.” In some bleak dystopian future, a kid is getting ready to take mandatory state examinations and is urged by his mother not to study so hard. You’ll soon see why.

4. The Crooked Man, Charles Beaumont, 1955. Beaumont
dropped out of school in tenth grade and joined the Army during the closing days of WW2. He wrote short stories and television episodes and full-length movies and had a lot of influence on other writers like Ray Bradbury and William Nolan. In the future, heterosexuality has been outlawed and those attracted to the opposite sex have to meet furtively or risk internment in a concentration camp, where they will make a new man out of you. Yes, indeed.

3. All Summer in a Day, Ray Bradbury, 1954. I have dozens and dozens of favorite Bradbury stories because he was my favorite author growing up, but this one stands out. It constantly rains on Venus but, once every 7 years, the sun appears for two hours, and a class of elementary students are preparing to go outside and see this. The cruelty of children.

2. A Pail of Air, Fritz Leiber, 1951. I read this in a Science Fiction Book Club anthology. Yeah, I was a member. Sue me. The world has frozen and the only way to breathe is fetch a pail of air and dissolve it slowly over a fire. 

1. It’s a Good Life, Jerome Bixby, 1953. Known more for his script writing, like four episodes of Star Trek, this is Bixby’s best remembered short story, one that was turned into a Twilight Zone episode starring Billy Mumy, and even into a Treehouse of Horror episode. When Little Anthony was born, the doctor screamed and tried to kill him, but Anthony whisked the town away somewhere, don’t know where, and all the townspeople are now his playmates. Even if they don’t want to be.

There is another one but, for the life of me, I cannot remember its title. Set in a dystopia, people are going back and forth to work when an old man starts reminiscing about the better days in the past, causing the workers to stop and listen. So a SWAT unit is sent out to find and arrest him because nostalgia is against the law.

UPDATE: The story is called To the Chicago Abyss, in Ray Bradbury’s The Machineries of Joy. Kudos to @JohnMustReadMore on Youtube for spotting it.

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Top Ten Novellas I’ve Read

Call them really long short stories or too-short novels, there’s some good reading in them even as they defy an exact category. Novellete? Yeah, yeah, there’s agreed-upon definitions but who gets to decide that? So I will: if you can finish it before the evening’s out, then it’s probably a novella. Or novellete. Or long short story. Whatever.

10. Beggars in Spain. This is a story about a group of people who, through genetic modification, no longer need to sleep, which makes them vastly more talented and intelligent than everyone else because, well, you’ve got more time to learn things like nuclear physics. And you’d think forgoing sleep would be a good thing but, oh no, it’s not. The title comes from a philosophical stance along the lines of what do productive and talented people owe the beggars in Spain.

9. The Mist

Written back when Stephen King still wrote horror, this is one of his best, although it’s not really horror so much as it’s scifi. Scary scifi, to be sure. An Army experiment breaches a dimension where terrifying monsters live and they pour into the small town of Bridgton, Maine and, actually, the entire world. A really good movie was made out of this which has a completely different ending than the novella, so you can enjoy both.

8. A Boy and his Dog- Harlan Ellison’s brutal post-apocalyptic classic, this has also been turned into a fairly decent movie starring Don Johnson of Miami Vice fame when he was little more than a teenager. The nuclear wars have created a series of mutations allowing an orphan to telepathically connect with his dog so the two of them can survive a truly horrendous world.

7. The Third Man- Graham Greene is an old master of the suspense thriller detective police – you name it – story that rarely has a happy ending. Hack writer Buck Dexter is invited to visit his old friend Harry Lime in post war Vienna, only to arrive just in time for Lime’s funeral. Apparently, he died in an accident. Or was it? Also turned into a decent film with Orson Wells.

6. The Horla- Guy de Maupassant’s best known story in English, I’m guessing, is about a man who waves at a passing ship and, next thing you know, something is living in his house, drinking his water, and driving him slowly insane. Rather creepy 1960s movie made from this called Diary of a Madman.

5. A River Runs Through It- by Norman Maclean and, yes, the first thing you think of is the extraordinary film with Brad Pitt and, yes, the film is rather true to the story. But the story itself is a lyric, an ode to a self-destructive man as seen through the eyes of the brother who loved him.

4. Notes From the Underground- this is, as far as I am concerned. Dostoyevsky’s masterpiece. It is the ruminations of a very bitter retired civil servant who rejects every convention and standard of society. Parts of this just soar into almost psychedelia and is sheer unadulterated genius. 

3. Siddhartha- like any teenager of the 1970s, I read everything by Herman Hesse because, you know, metaphysics. Of all his novels, this is the one I remember best, primarily because of the river metaphor. The last part, where Siddhartha sits on the banks and watches his life flow by is perfect summary.

2. The Halloween Tree- anything by Ray Bradbury is going to get my vote although mostly those are disconnected short stories, as in R is for Rocket. This one, though, is a series of stories following the attempts of eight friends to save a ninth who has been spirited away into the Land of the Dead. Juvenile, yes, but compelling. 

1. The Dragon Masters- this is the first Jack Vance I ever read, and it remains my favorite. Set in a future so far away that people can actually wield magic, it is the story of a human band that has genetically altered their alien enemies, turning them into war beasts. Typical Vance with crazy dialogue and wild battle scenes.

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Ten Best Characters from Books I’ve Read

The criteria for this is very simple: someone from a book that I still remember to this day, no matter how long, or short, ago I came across them. They are memorable. Every once in awhile, I’ll recall something about them while doing something else or I’ll make a reference to them or simply take inspiration. Such as:

10. Tom Sawyer. He was my first literary hero, the character that spurred my lifelong love of fiction and reading. Tom was everything I was not: brave and defiant and ever willing to break the rules and try something new and a great friend and fearless protector. And he tormented his little brother, Sid, with an almost genius capacity for mayhem, some of which I tried on my own little brother.

9. Scout. She was the center of To Kill a Mockingbird, the one who watched the world and all its currents and storms flowing hard and fast right through the center of her life. She met everything with a calm and thoughtful gaze, learning from it, enduring it. And showed us how to take everyone, from the different to the wounded, on their own terms.

8. Breq. The ancillary in Ann Leckie’s Ancillary trilogy, she was human then AI and a battleship then human again, or partially human, but, whatever the form, she was loyal to her friends and family, so to speak, and fought for her commander and her empire, even when she knew it was wrong. Indeed, she was responsible for correcting a lot of those wrongs; well, as best as they could be. Just considering all of the devastating and traumatic changes she went through as she changed form and purpose is mind blowing.

7. Mai. The bride of an arranged marriage to the Qin commander, Anji, she is, at first, docile and subservient, but she turns into a tiger. As she adjusts to the very dangerous world of the Hundred, she rises from a simple household member to admired confidant and a fighter in her own right. Half the fun of the Crossroads Trilogy is watching her development.

6. Maris. While out searching for her dog, Maris finds the stone that transports her to the Great Land, where she teams up with talking bugs and squirrels and a particularly brave ant to defeat the evil creatures taking over. I first read Shelia Moon’s Knee Deep in Thunder when I was 12 or 13, and it’s stayed with me, especially the last scene of the book, where Maris watches the boy walk away.

5. Chrisjen Avasarala. The foul mouthed, ruthless, downright murderous UN Secretary of Earth, she gave no quarter nor asked for any in her single-minded devotion to protecting Earth from Belters and Martians and revolutionaries and the proto-molecule. Constantly exasperated by James Holden and his optimistic humanism, she often found her plans undone and was often in serious danger, but you don’t mess with her. You just don’t.

4. Bob Lee ‘the Nailer’ Swagger. The protagonist of practically every single Stephen Hunter book, he is a former Vietnam-era sniper who earned his nickname from his mutant-like accuracy, the able to drive nails with a bullet. After amassing a rather astonishing kill record, he leaves the Army for an Arkansas farm and just wants to be left alone. But, of course, people just gotta bother him. To their detriment.

3. Schaffa Guardian. The Guardian responsible for Damaya’s training in NK Jemisin’s Broken Earth trilogy and introduced in the first book, The First Season, Schaffa is a cruel and demanding task master. But, it soon becomes clear that Schaffa is a compassionate and empathic trainer, forced to extreme methods because the Fifth Season is rapidly approaching and Damaya has to be ready. Reminds me very much of the character Patrick Foley in the Australian movie The Earthling.

2. Chad Buford. He is the main character of a book I loved since I was 13, The Little Shepherd of Kingdom Come by John Fox, Jr, published in 1903.  Yes, execrable title, but it was the first book to sell a million copies in the United States. Orphaned in the hills of Kentucky shortly before the Civil War, Chad is adopted by a mountain family and then, through an odd series of events, ends up the protege of a wealthy Kentucky planter. When the Civil War starts, Chad makes a decision that goes against his family and friends and culture, and is the main reason I admire him. Very racist novel, though. Very racist.

1. Half-cocked Jack. So named because of an unfortunate childhood accident, he is a pirate and adventurer and a mercenary and a reaver and thief, and exactly the guy you want on your side in a fight. He is one of many unforgettable characters in Neal Stephenson’s Baroque Cycle, appearing in the first novel, Quicksilver, and remaining alive through the rest of them, although I have no idea how. I guess Stephenson liked him, too.

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