The Adventures of Gracie the Wander Cat: Where No Cat Has Gone Before

One day I was fulfilling Wander Cat prerogatives and climbed up on the roof just to see what was there. Nothing really, but the view was nice and I strolled around a bit admiring things, ending over the front porch, on the pergula.

I poked around a bit and figured it was time to go check the fields for any uppity mice…and I couldn’t get down.

I mean, I just couldn’t! There was no place to climb down that I could see.

How embarrassing.

If the Wild’uns over there in the woods spotted me, I’d never live it down. They already consider us Wander Cats pussies, and this would give them material for months: “Hey, Gracie, what’s up. You?” or “Get down, Gracie girl, you know you can!” I just didn’t need that crap, so I had to think of something.

Fortunately, that D. Krauss guy was sitting on the porch drinking beer and reading, so I called out, “Hey!” The idiot looks right, then left, then goes back to his book. “Hey!” I said again. Same routine. Took me four times to get the moron to look up.

And what does he do? Starts laughing at me! “Wassamadder, Gracie, you stuck?” You know, I’m already in a bad mood and his cackling is going to attract unwanted attention so, the heck with it, I get ready to jump on him.

But he steps back and says, “No way!” Oh. c’mon! It’s not like I’m going to claw you too deep. Stop being a baby! But he keeps dodging out of the way until he’s standing next to the only place on the whole damn pergula he can get anything to grow.

“You got yourself up there, you get yourself down,” he says, and taps on the vines. What am I, a chimp? But it looks like that’s the extent of his help, so I started working my way down them. I eventually made it, no thanks to that D. Krauss guy.

Now I know how to get up and down there anytime I want. Which means that D. Krauss guy is going to get a Wander Cat leaping on his neck one morning.

Jerk.