If the folks up there in DC are truly intent on cutting government waste (pause to let you finish laughing uproariously), then I volunteer the Public Service Announcements. The people producing them should be sent to Guantanamo and forced to listen to their products 24/7. Break them in an hour, it will.
Some of the worst ones:
- 1800CarsForKids. Every time I hear this, I am tempted to contribute to Planned Parenthood. From the Raffi-style to the faux rock n’ roll one, I get an overpowering urge to rip my radio out of its frame and hurl it into oncoming traffic.
- Pre-diabetes. Yes, I have pre-diabetes. I also have pre-plague, pre-leprosy, pre-Munchausen syndrome by proxy (see 1800CarsforKids). According to the smarmy announcer, pre-diabetes can be prevented. No doubt if you restrict yourself to eating only one carrot a day and exercise yourself down to -5% bodyfat, then you’ll win.
- Buzzed driving. So, darling, let me get this straight. You’re a waitress in a bar and you’re harassing customers about their drinking? Do you know what a pink slip is?
- Shelter pets. News flash: Keyboard Cat is not actually playing the keyboards.
Yes, yes, I know, not all of these are PSAs and some of them are privately funded charities okay, right, fine. They still suck. So stop it.
Except for Feed the Pig. Keep those.