1. Dogs: “What are we doing? “What are we doing?” “What are we doing?” “What are we doing?” “What are we doing?” “What are we doing?”
Kids: “What are you doing for me?” “What are you doing for me?” “What are you doing for me?” “What are you doing for me?” “What are you doing for me?”
Wives: see “Kids”
Cats: “Hey, howya doin’? Thanks for breakfast. See you at dinner.”
2. Dogs: crap everywhere and anywhere at anytime.
Kids: crap everywhere and anywhere at anytime up until about two years old, with relapses.
Wives: won’t leave the damn toilet seat up
Cats: bury their crap
3. Dogs: take over the bed and steal the blankets
Kids: take over the bed and prevent other activities
Wives: kick you out of bed
Cats: warm the bed up
4. Dogs: bark at the neighbors, the postman, and friends, never at burglars or Jehovah’s Witnesses
Kids: introduce potential burglars
Wives: swear every sound, especially at 2 in the morning, is a burglar
Cats: You kidding? Get a dog
5. Dogs: are disgusting.
Kids: are disgusting
Wives: say you’re disgusting
Cats: are disgusting but you don’t know it
6. Dogs: steal your food off your plate
Kids: steal your food out the refrigerator
Wives: buy food you do not want
Cats: bring you food
7. Dogs: eat revolting glop
Kids: want revolting glop
Wives: buy revolting glop for kids with your money
Cats: their glop could be tuna
8. Dogs: Slobber
Kids: Slobber
Wives: never slobber, dammit
Cats: Hairballs, but you can vacuum those up
9. Dogs: rolled up newspaper, lots of yelling, obedience school
Kids: rolled up newspaper, lots of yelling, boarding school
Wives: forget it
Cats: teach you, you don’t teach them
10. Dogs: constant licking
Kids: constant whining
Wives: see “Kids”
Cats: purring. That’s nice 